| Let's Just State the Facts M'kay?! |
 Let's Just State the Facts M'kay?!
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Jan. 31st, 2009 @ 11:44 pm 
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So in my pursuit of a web-surfing Valhalla, I've come across many interesting sites. Some bookmarked; some not.
But in all my life, I enjoy the most 'zines of all stripes that have either busted and offer their past content on as a website or still active and co-post to the web. The writing is often top-notch, witty and edgy. (like the now defunct crank.com which as close as I can find is an interview with the author)
Recently my drunken pursuits have taken me in a new direction, and I've found the still alive, Modern Drunkard Magazine. Of course to most of my audience it's probably obvious why I think this is interesting. It's a whole magazine that's devoted to the functionally drunk lifestyle. Like the aforementioned zines, the writing never fails to elicit an evil giggle or ten while reviewing their online content. My only regret is that I don't have the money or the marital capital to burn to subscribe. Perhaps it may come up in conversation with the wife, but then I would have to admit to her what is already obvious to myself, and once labeled there are consequences; frankly that I don't want to face yet. And that is even beside the point that I'm attempting at cutting back on my drunkard behavior if only because I want to experience more of life sober and although it's not an issue yet; drinking only slightly harder than I did (I've already cut back a bit) could result in serious troubles in every aspect of my life as well as overwhelm my current goals.
In the meantime I'm beginning to find a happy medium and found that I can read MDM without feeling guilty or finding that I don't measure up. The writing is good enough that I find that it's something I could enjoy knowing that I've skirted limits of problematic alcoholism, without actually using that as a template for future activities.
On the other hand, addicts often lie to themselves (and others) and I don't exactly have a clear conscience while perusing the articles. The precipice is in sight and that shakes me a bit. Everything there is both right on point and is easily designed to alleviate the guilt of a budding alcoholic, and that scares me as it should. As it encourages the very same behavior that I'm currently finding out can become a problem in the future if I don't step lightly.
The extra interesting bit is that I've just found out that the magazine holds an annual convention this is both bright and shiny and dark and ominous. Drinking, drunk and conventions are like peanut butter and chocolate to me. This is either very cool or very scary.
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It's not uncommon for people with some form of anxiety to self-medicate with alcohol. I don't know if that is the case with you, but if you think it's a possibility, it's worth getting it checked out.
That having been said, don't beat yourself up too hard either. I wish you luck in pursuing this goal you have set for yourself.
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